Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize