drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
