please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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