I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
