If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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