He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Randomize
