I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
