Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
