Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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