i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
