Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
