You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
