Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
