I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
