i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
