he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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