Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
