official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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