is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
