Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She made me pour olive oil on her.
false alarm, still single
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
