five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
