im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
