I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
