I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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