i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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