Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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