So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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