Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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