You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
