Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
