i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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