shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
