im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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