She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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