I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
