Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
