3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
