By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize