Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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