I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
