did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
