Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
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