just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
