The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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