I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
