My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
