I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
