I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
