Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
And then he peed in my hair
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