Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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