i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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