so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
