hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
