I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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