Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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