strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
