i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm getting married
To pizza
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
