You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
