i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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